


No one here will see me (no one will hurt me now)

by Musetotheworld



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff, Identity Reveal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-31
Updated: 2017-08-31
Packaged: 2018-12-21 22:54:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11954406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Musetotheworld/pseuds/Musetotheworld
Summary: As things grow more serious between Cat and herself, Kara begins to plan how to tell Cat that one last little secret...





	No one here will see me (no one will hurt me now)

Kara smiles when she wakes.

She's always loved mornings, but lately she's loved them even more. Not even the way the warmth of the yellow sun rushed through her could compare to waking up in Cat Grant's bed.

Cat wasn't often next to her when she awoke these days. Not like those early weeks and months where Kara was constantly on edge that things would come crashing down, that Cat would realize how little Kara could offer her. That this relationship that was starting to mean more to her than almost anything else in her life could end in a single moment.

No, these days Kara wasn't afraid to sleep in a little. She wasn't afraid that Cat would startle her awake with harsh words and regrets. She didn't have to cling to every second of holding Cat in her arms as if afraid she'd never get the chance again. These days, if Cat woke first and started getting ready for her day Kara could take a few selfish moments to herself as she soaked in the feeling of Cat's ridiculously expensive sheets against her skin. She could reach out a hand to feel the lingering traces of Cat's warmth next to her, the way hints of her perfume and shampoo still hover in the air.

And when she finally manages to tear herself out of that insanely comfortable bed Cat is always there to greet her with a smile and quick kiss as she starts on her own morning routine that takes significantly less time than Cat's. She hasn't yet moved in, hasn't started to spend the night before mornings where Cat has to be somewhere earlier than Kara wakes, but she knows that time is getting closer. And that thought is exhilarating.

This morning is no different, and Kara’s smile doesn’t fade as she finally clambers out of bed and sets off in search of her girlfriend. The bed is nice, but having her arms wrapped around Cat will be even nicer. The few minutes every morning where they can be just Kara and Cat are the highlight of Kara’s days, more than enough to get her through the long hours where their relationship has to stay a carefully guarded secret.

Kara knows why Cat isn’t comfortable going public with their relationship yet. She has a few reasons of her own that make secrecy the best bet, and it’s safer for everyone involved if no one knows they’re dating. There’s too much risk that someone would notice the similarities between Cat Grant’s lover and Supergirl, and there would go her secret identity, the one Kara has grown more protective of after her friends and family have been put in danger just for being associated with her. It’s why she hasn’t even told Cat that last secret yet.

She’s already planning how to do it, how to tell Cat that she’d been right all those months ago. How to apologize for the lying and the months of flimsy excuses. She knows Cat will be angry with her at first, but she’s hoping it won’t last too long if she can manage to explain in a way that shows  _ why _ she’d been so reluctant to reveal her secret.

Kara needs Cat to understand that it isn’t about trust, that it hasn’t been about trust since before Myriad. After that night especially, hiding her identity became more about protecting Cat from those who would hurt her than protecting herself from Cat knowing the truth. Because that night, when she’d held Cat so closely, so desperately, that was the night Kara knew that she had fallen completely in love with the woman. And one of the only things that Kara was physically incapable of was knowingly putting those she loved into danger.

So she’d kept her secret. Even once they’d gotten together, Kara kept quiet. Cat’s busy schedule provided plenty of opportunity to slip out and handle quick issues while the CEO was on the phone with some department head or board member, and her new job as a reporter gave her plenty of excuses to run towards the more major events without Cat getting suspicious. Between that and the general drop in alien attacks after the defeat of the Fort Rozz leaders and the Alien Amnesty Act making others feel at home on the planet, things were calm enough that her absences didn’t attract Cat’s notice.

But ever since that first night that Cat invited her to stay over while Carter was home, Kara had been planning how to tell her. Because that was proof that this thing between them was serious, was going somewhere. Cat might date, but she didn’t bring them home to Carter. The penthouse and beach house were the places Carter could feel truly relaxed and comfortable, and Cat wouldn’t do anything to risk that. So more than any words they could say being welcomed into that space showed just how deep the feelings ran.

“You’re looking particularly dangerous today,” Kara says as she walks into Cat’s en suite to see her lover finishing the last of her makeup. Cat’s in one of her ‘I mean business and you’re about to find out exactly what that means’ outfits that always sends half the office running to look at their time off balances.

The smirk Cat sends her way tells Kara that the CEO knows exactly what effect the look has, both on Kara and the rest of her employees. “I have a meeting with two of the board members this evening. Dirk’s old allies.”

That’s all she says, but Kara still knows every bit of gossip that goes on in the office.  _ Especially  _ gossip that relates to Cat. Dirk’s allies had managed to avoid going down with him and had seemed cowed by the near miss, but it’s been long enough that they’ve gotten bold again. Cat obviously intends to remind them exactly who holds the power.

“I’ll pick up some of that wine you like, to help you unwind tonight,” Kara offers, knowing her tone is more heated than is smart when they both have responsibilities but unable to help it. Cat is always worked up after a victory, and Carter is at his father’s this week. Add that particular vintage of wine, and it’s a good thing that it’s a Friday because neither of them will be getting much rest.

“Just the incentive I needed to make it through this meeting,” Cat says, nearly short circuiting Kara’s brain when she leans closer to whisper her next words directly into her ear. “I’ll be home at 8, it’s an early dinner meeting. As perfect as the wine sounds, I’m sure I’ll be ready for dessert.”

With that and a quick but dirty kiss, Cat leaves Kara standing there as she struggles to regain some semblance of composure so she can get ready for her own day.

***

Three hours into her day and Kara knows she needs a break from CatCo. She can hear Cat from her office and it’s doing  _ nothing _ to help with her focus. Cat is sharp, focused, and entirely too pleased with herself as she watches her employees scramble. It’s making it impossible to pay any attention to the latest puff piece she’s been assigned, and eventually she gives up.

It’s Alex’s day off and there have been no DEO emergencies all morning, so once Kara decides to leave on ‘research’ she texts her sister for a much needed sister day at the mall so Kara can find a few nice work outfits to leave at Cat’s place. They haven’t had as much time together lately even with the relative calm in the city. They still have their sister nights, but they’re both in serious relationships that take their time as well.

It’s nice to just be two young women out for a relaxing day for a while, rather than an agent and a superhero. Ever since Kara had put on the cape she’s been working to find a balance between Kara and Supergirl, but she still doesn’t quite have it. A day like this is exactly what she needs to help deal with some of the stress she hasn’t been able to avoid.

“You know Cat would rather admit Lois is a talented journalist than let that into her closet, right?” Alex says when Kara pulls a dress from the rack, laughing at the pout on Kara’s face. “Come on, Kara. That thing is objectively hideous. Where would you ever wear it?”

Looking down at the heavily patterned fabric in her hands, Kara tries to see it from Cat’s point of view. Kara thinks it looks intriguing, the way the different colors and patterns blend into each other, but she can see how someone else might not think the same way. Now that Alex points it out, she can definitely see that Cat would hate it.

“I was going to wear it on interviews,” she admits, putting it back on the rack with a sigh. Her old wardrobe doesn’t have the right edge for her current position, and she’s been trying to slowly expand into more professional styles.

It would be easier if she let Cat help, but Kara doesn’t want that. For one, this way she can buy the things she wants, the things she’s comfortable in. With Alex along to keep her from buying something inappropriate she can build herself a new wardrobe without it being things she would usually never wear.

Second, she  _ needs  _ to do it herself. It’s not just about fashion and being comfortable in her clothing. She needs to show Cat, and eventually the rest of the world if and when they go public, that she’s not some gold digger out for the money. That she takes care of her own expenses rather than relying on Cat. That’s the only way they’ll be able to make things work, if they’re so firmly established as equals in every way possible, and complementary partners in everything else, before there’s any real opposition to their relationship.

“Here, why not look at these?” Alex asks after a moment of shaking her head at Kara’s idea of interesting. “These look nice and professional.”

“They also look like half your closet,” Kara says, making a face as she turns to see Alex looking at a rack of blazers. They’re all similar to something Kara has seen her sister wear on the days she has to dress up and pretend she isn’t part of a secret alien tracking government agency, all no nonsense lines that serve Alex well. They don’t however seem very fitting for a journalist, not even on those interviews where Kara will have to be a little more direct and forceful than she’s used to being outside of her super suit. That’s not her style, she’s always going to have a little give to her attitude, a little softness even when she’s standing firm.

“What’s wrong with my closet?” Alex asks indignantly, and Kara laughs. She’s definitely needed this.

***

Eventually they find a few outfits that they both agree Cat won’t hate and decide to call it a day on their shopping. But since Kara has a little more time before she needs to get back and Alex doesn’t have anything to do at home but some housework neither is in a hurry to leave just yet. They’ve both been needing the time to relax and be sisters rather than superhero and handler/protector.

So after an obligatory stop at the food court as Kara’s stomach insists they wander the mall without much of a destination in mind. Window shopping and people watching keep them busy, and by the end of the day Kara feels more settled than she has in a while. Even spending time with Cat doesn’t calm her this much, Alex has been the stable point in her life ever since she’d landed on Earth and they’d made it past the original tense phase.

As they’re heading back towards the way they’d entered the mall, ready to call it a day, Kara notices a jewellery store she’d missed the first time around in favor of making it to the department stores to start her shopping. She sees it now though, both the store and the giant sign in front announcing a sale on engagement and wedding bands.

Alex notices where her attention has gone as soon as Kara slows to a stop, an appraising look on her face as she studies her sister. “Anything you’re wanting to tell me there?”

“I- what? No,” Kara says, forcing a laugh. It doesn’t work, not that she’s surprised. Alex knows her too well. “There’s you know, nothing to tell. We aren’t there yet.”

“But you want to be.” The words are blunt but spoken softly, and Alex has a knowing look on her face as she pulls Kara carefully to the side of the walkway so they can talk. “I’m not going to judge you, Kara. You know that. The reservations I had about your relationship with Cat are long past now that I’ve seen you together a few times.”

“Even if it means telling her the truth?” Kara asks, not sure whether Alex the sister will agree with Alex the government agent that Cat knowing is a bad idea. Trusting Cat Grant with Kara Danvers is one thing, trusting her with the secret of who  _ else _ Kara Danvers is could be something else entirely.

“Honestly, I figured she already knew,” Alex admits, looking around to see if anyone is close enough to hear their conversation. Even without specifics it always pays to be careful. “You’re not exactly the most subtle person, Kara. And Cat is like freakishly good at telling when someone is lying to her. I assumed she already knew and you hadn’t told us because you didn’t want to go through the hassle of getting her to sign everything that comes with officially knowing.”

“I can be sneaky!” Kara protests, probably a little too loudly if the looks they get from the people around them are any indication. “I can totally keep a secret if I have to. Like how I never told Eliza that the burn on the ceiling was from your experiment gone wrong and not my fault at all.”

“Kara, she knew that as soon as you started trying to tell her what happened. She just waited until you had that meeting after school and weren’t around to hear before she yelled at me for it.” Alex doesn’t sound bitter at the memory, which is probably the biggest sign that things between mother and daughter have begun to heal over the years, but Kara can’t be more than passingly glad about that as she takes in what Alex is trying to say.

She wants to get defensive, to say that things have changed now that she’s an adult. But Alex has a brow raised in a challenging gesture, just daring her to try. And one thing that Kara has learned is that when Alex looks that sure of herself, there’s no winning a fight.

“Well, she still doesn’t know,” she says instead. “We threw her off the last time she suspected, and she hasn’t brought it up since.”

“If you say so, Kara,” Alex says, sounding anything but convinced. “But I still think she knows. And even if she doesn’t, we hadn’t planned on it staying a secret much longer. If you’re going to tell her then we’ll get everything together and ready to go. Give us a week, if you can.”

Kara winces at the thought of putting Cat through a DEO interrogation and NDA signing. Sometimes being a superhero has some serious downsides.

“Oh, and Kara? If you’re going to ask Cat Grant to marry you, you’d better start saving up for a better ring than you can buy in the mall on sale.”

***

In the end the only reason it takes that week is because Kara has to drum up enough courage to go through with telling Cat. They’ve come so far when it comes to talking about things between them, but that doesn’t mean this will be easy. Kara has been lying to Cat for a very long time now, and of all the things Cat hates lying is very near the top of the list.

So Kara is worried. Cat is very likely going to be angry with her at first, and Kara hates the very thought of that. More than just being unpleasant she hates to think that she’ll have upset Cat. They’ve worked through so much to get where they are now and Kara doesn’t want to lose any of it. It had been enough of a fight to even  _ start  _ the relationship with the various objections and reasons to avoid the risk, let alone get to a place where they’re stable enough to weather a few challenges.

But a secret identity and months of lying isn’t exactly the same as hurt feelings over a missed dinner. This is something major, something Kara has actively deceived Cat over. She’d lied to her face before they’d ever started dating, and even after that she hadn’t come clean. Cat has every reason to be angry.

Kara just hopes it doesn’t last long, that she can smooth things over without causing a major setback between them. Cat’s trust is rarely given and usually absolute. Not the kind of thing it’s easy to regain once lost. So far she hasn’t had to face that, not as Kara or as Supergirl. Even at the worst moments between them, when they were both hurting and lashing out, there had still been that trust between them. That’s what made the whole situation so hard.

But eventually Kara gets the courage together, with a little help from Alex as her sister kept pointing out how much effort she’d put into preparing the paperwork. She decides on Friday night, knowing that Carter has a science conference he’s going to with some friends from school all weekend so they’ll have time to deal with the fallout. She works with Eve to keep Cat’s schedule clear and as stress free as possible, and gets them both back to the penthouse by 7.

“You seem in a hurry to get us home tonight,” Cat says when the door closes behind them, tossing her heels into the corner as she smirks at Kara. “Big plans while we have the place to ourselves?”

“You could say that,” Kara mutters under her breath. Thankfully Cat doesn’t notice, already heading deeper into the apartment. “Actually, I was hoping we could talk about something first?”

It’s not the smoothest introduction ever, but it’s at least marginally better than ‘can we talk’. Kara knows enough about relationships to know that one is the worst possible way to bring something up, especially knowing how angry Cat is likely to be very soon.

“Is everything okay?” Cat asks carefully, turning to look at Kara. She’s familiar enough with Kara’s tendency to fumble over her words to not immediately assume the worst, but there’s still a note of concern in her voice. “Is this something serious?”

“Everything is fine,” Kara rushes to assure her, hoping it’s the truth. “I mean, it is serious, but it’s not bad. Just something we should talk about is all.”

“Cryptic answers aren’t the most convincing,” Cat says, heading towards the kitchen and presumably a bottle of wine to help ease the conversation. “Should I be worried?”

Mentally cursing her poor choice of opening, Kara trails behind. She needs to get this back on track, and quick. “Definitely not. I just have something to tell you, that’s all. Something I probably should have told you a long time ago, but I didn’t know how.”

“We’re all entitled to a few secrets now and again.” Cat seems almost disinterested as she looks at the bottles available, suddenly seeming more focused on the wine than on the conversation. “Are you in the mood for red or white tonight?”   
“Either is fine,” Kara says, thrown by the shift. “I don’t really need anything, actually. So whichever you’re wanting.”

Cat hums thoughtfully before selecting a bottle and pouring herself a glass. It’s a little more than she normally pours for a first drink, but that’s the only sign she’s at all affected by the conversation so far. Other than that, they could be discussing the new interns for all the interest Cat shows.

“I, um, like I said, I probably should have told you this before. But I didn’t know how, and then I didn’t want you to be mad. But I can’t keep  _ not  _ telling you any more. Cat, I’m Supergirl.”

“No you’re not,” Cat says instantly, lifting her glass to her lips as soon as she’s done uttering the denial.

“But, yes I am,” Kara stutters. That wasn’t the reaction she’d been expecting.

“No, you’re not.” Cat says again, this time with a little more heat to it. “You stood next to her in my office. I’ve seen you two in the same room. You are not Supergirl.”

“That was a lie, we didn’t have another option at the time,” Kara explains, hoping for some kind of visible reaction from Cat. She doesn’t know how to handle this without any of the normal tells to show her how Cat is taking this. “You were going to fire me, and I couldn’t lose that job. I was already half in love with you, Cat. More than the job, I couldn’t lose you.”

“Which is why I’m grateful you convinced me you weren’t Supergirl. And I’m not sure why you’re trying to convince me you are now. If you want out of this relationship you could have just told me, you don’t have to lie about being a superhero.” There’s still no sign of emotion from Cat, and that throws Kara enough that she doesn’t register Cat’s actual words for a long second.

“I don’t want out of this relationship!” she cries when she realizes what Cat had said. “Cat, I love you. I love being with you, and I want to be with you as long as you’ll have me.”

“Then why are you lying to me?” Cat yells, her control finally breaking.

“I’m not, Cat, I swear. I’m trying to finally tell you the truth.” Kara is pleading now, wishing she could rush forward and take Cat into her arms until the anger and accusations faded. But Cat is rigid in a way that always means she doesn’t want to be touched and Kara won’t ignore that. “I don’t want to keep secrets from you any more.”

“You’re not Supergirl,” Cat says, downing the last of her wine before slamming the glass down. “You’re not, and until you’re ready to stop lying to me I think it’s best that you leave.”

“Cat, no,” Kara tries, frozen in place by the words. “I just want to be with you.”

“Then be with me, Kara. But don’t lie to me about this. Supergirl is out saving the city, she’s out doing more good than either of us could even imagine. She isn’t being held back by a job, or because she’s dating someone who demands too much. She’s out doing good where it’s needed.”

Kara hears the truth beneath the words, the plea that Cat won’t let out. Cat might know the truth, somewhere down deep inside she might know that Kara is Supergirl. But she won’t let herself see it, because Supergirl isn’t someone you can date. Cat has turned Supergirl into an ideal, and you can’t date an ideal.

And she knows that no matter what she does now, whether she flies up to the ceiling or speeds around the apartment in her cape, there’s no convincing Cat. Not when she’s set her mind on something this strongly. And even if Kara does convince her, she won’t change her mind. If she convinces Cat that she’s Supergirl, Cat will end the relationship and refuse to consider any other option.

So Kara does the only thing she can do. She gives in. It will break her, she knows that. Living a lie, hiding half of who she is from the person she loves most, it’s going to tear her into pieces. And Kara knows she won’t be able to do it forever. She knows that it would be better to walk away now, before she’s forced away because she can’t make herself go on any longer.

But she’s not strong enough for that, not strong enough to turn and walk out the door. She loves Cat too much, needs to be with her too much.

“I’m sorry,” Kara whispers as she steps closer to Cat, letting one hand reach out to rest carefully on Cat’s shoulder. “I don’t know what I was thinking, I shouldn’t have said any of that.”

The hand that Cat raises to cover her own grips tighter than Kara would have thought possible, and for a second they’re perfectly matched by the depths of their desperation, each clinging tightly to something they know will end all too soon.

But they can pretend, they can ignore the truth. They can try to be happy, knowing all the while that the secrets are slicing deeper with every second.

Sometimes, the biggest lies are the ones you tell yourself.


End file.
